Using a Matchmaker to find Mr. Right? Maybe.

By Shirley Friedenthal and Howard Eisenberg

[Excerpt from “It’s Never to Late to Date”]

Dating services are strictly an if-you-can-afford-it short cut option, but they can be an important investment in finding the right friend, lover, husband, or all-three-in-one.

18 quality pre-screened dates in 18 months

After my husband died, I clipped an ad for a service that guaranteed me 18 quality pre-screened dates in 18 months. The catch was the cost. I thought it over. $5,000 was a lot of money. On the other hand this was about the rest of my life. Meeting that many “carefully screened and selected men” might be worth mortgaging the farm.

Delivered to my door

In fact, one at a time, the serviced pretty much delivered them to my door. One was a successful entrepreneur, another an IBM executive, a third a pediatrician, the fourth a retired businessman who shared my enthusiasm for tennis and was an excellent player. I had 14 more to go and looked forward to every one of them as an adventure in dating. But, ironically, I had registered with a far less costly computer dating service as well and that’s when I met Howard (my husband-to-be and co-author), leaving the other 14 (representing, if I did the math correctly, an unused balance of $4,648) still out there dating other women. Oh, well. Good luck to them.

Choose your matchmaker carefully

But choose your dating service carefully, or you’ll need not just good luck, but a good lawyer as well. My friend Alma, impressed by her first meeting with a very slick matchmaker, signed on the dotted line. She was promised a minimum of a dozen dates, but it was more than a month before she got the first one, and he never called back. From other women he dated, she found out why. He had an interesting ambition. He wasn’t a two-timer, he was a one-timer. He wanted lots of dates with lots of women, but for some odd reason – only one from each.

“We’ll find you someone wonderful. Just be patient.”

The months went by – eight or nine of them with no dates—and Alma, ordinarily a reasonable woman, grew increasingly angry. Every time she called the service she was told, “We’ll find you someone wonderful. Just be patient.” After a half dozen calls, Alma made a different call – to an attorney. She went to court and won only to learn that her matchmaker, apparently not without experience in such matters, had not a single assessable asset in her own name. Alma is still out some $5,000, but her lawyer is confident that, one way or another, she’ll get her money back. (Meanwhile, her legal fees continue to mount.)

Look before you leap

When and if it’s your money, do some homework before you sign the check. At a minimum, check with the Better Business Bureau. And ask for references from some previous clients. Not just any references. The names and phone numbers of women whose dates led to one of two places: either a long term relationship or a stroll down the aisle. If you decide to go with a matchmaker service, don’t be unreasonable. It’s not a good idea to propose a list of desired qualities resembling the add-ons on a pizza order. And make sure the service has a number of eligible males signed up in your geographic area.

A service offers matches, not miracles.

Howard Eisenberg  and Shirley Friedenthal are the authors of “It’s Never Too Late to Date” It’s available through the authors’ website www.itsnevertoolatetodate.com,  or from Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/Its-Never-Too-Late-Date/dp/1440113785/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1249682689&sr=8-1