The Worst Date I Ever Had

“While we talked, I noticed some dog poop on the bottom of my shoe as well as some that was now on the carpet. But wait, it gets worse.”The Worst Date I Ever Had
By Jeffrey Zander
I was still in my teens –maybe 18. My mother met a woman on a bus who said she had a very nice daughter with “a lovely personality.” My mother passed her phone number on to me and pressured me into calling. I did and lived to regret it.
I lived at home with my parents at the time as did Lenore, my date.
On the way from the bus stop to Lenore’s house unbeknown to me, I stepped into dog poop that had been on the sidewalk. When I got to Lenore’s house, Lenore met me at the door and brought me in to meet her parents.
I sat down in the living room and we made small talk. While we talked I noticed the dog poop on the bottom of my shoe as well as some that was now on the carpet. Nobody else noticed. I sat there petrified and could think of nothing else or say anything.
But wait, it gets worse. There was a big piano in the living room and Lenore’s mother told me that Lenore had a beautiful singing voice, kind of like Ella Fitzgerald. She persuaded Lenore to sing for me while she accompanied her on the piano. Lenore sang and her mother kept looking at me smiling with an “isn’t she wonderful?” expression on her face.
I nodded approvingly as she sang, but most of the time I didn’t know where to look and was extremely embarrassed by the whole situation. And I still had the dog poop on the bottom of my shoe and was wondering how I would be able to leave without them noticing or messing up their carpet even more.
When Lenore finally stopped singing I didn’t know if I was supposed to applaud or what. We left on our date soon after. I walked out on the back edge of the heel of my shoe. Since I never saw Lenore or her parents after leaving her house I never found out what happened when they discovered the dog poop on their carpet. After that night I’m still amazed that I ever dated again.