Q. “My stepson is about to marry a girl with a terrible past that he’s not aware of. I did some digging and it’s just awful. Should I tell him? I’m afraid if I do, he’ll hate me.”
– L.M., Portland, OR
Gary: Not an easy one. It’s one of those damned if you do, damned if you don’t situations.
But let’s go back in time a little: What are you doing “digging?” If you don’t mind me saying so, unless you have some pre-engagement documented evidence, it’s none of your damn business.
If I was your stepson, I’d be pissed and resent you no matter what you found out. (I’d be willing to wager that your husband would feel the same way.) Besides, what your generation thinks is “just awful,” by today’s standards might be the “norm.”
Okay, let’s assume for a minute that you do have that documented evidence I mentioned. Let’s also assume that nobody would be pissed at your digging. (Big assumption.) I still can’t imagine that anyone would thank you for your detective work. No matter what the case, you will be perceived by everyone as a spoiler –- certainly not the person who saved the day. (Of course, I’m assuming that her “terrible past” did not include murder or child molesting or some other heinous crime.)
I may be going out on a limb since I don’t know you but if I were you, I’d examine my motives. I think you might be kidding yourself if you are thinking that you only have his best interests at heart.
There is something in the bible about the person who is free of sin casting the first stone. Is that you?
My advice: Stay out of it and hope for the best. Also, don’t tell anyone about your digging.
Gary Geyer is Chief Editor of Let Life In.
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