Colonoscopy humor:
A physician claims the following are actual comments from his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies: 1. “Take it easy, Doc, you’re boldly going where no man has gone before.” 2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?” 3. “Can you hear me NOW?” 4. “Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!” 5. “Are we there yet? Are we [...]
Company Christmas Party
Subject: Company Christmas Party December 1st TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi’s Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols … feel free to singalong. And don’t be surprised if the [...]
No Dogs Allowed!
These two friends, Tom and Fred, both had dogs. Tom had a German Shepard and Fred had a Chihuahua. They often walked their dogs together. One afternoon, while they were walking, Tom suggested they go into a restaurant they passed and get something to eat. Fred pointed to a sign in the window that said [...]
BUSH DEPLOYS 75,000 VOWELS TO BOSNIA
Before an emergency joint session of congress yesterday, President Bush announced his plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Bosnia. “The vowel deployment, the first in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O,and U and will enable countless Bosnian names more pronounceable,” emphasized Mr. Bush. “For [...]
Dog and Cat Diaries
Fido’s diary: 7 am – Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am – Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am – Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon – Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm – Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm – Oh boy! The kids! My [...]
The Good Wife’s Guide Hoax
From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955. The following is a ‘look how far we’ve come’ fabrication. There is no such magazine as Housekeeping Monthly. The list was one of those ‘email this to a friend’ jokes. Nevertheless, if you look at it as satire, it’s funny (I think). If you are offended by it, let [...]
The Betty and Veronica Syndrome
The “Betty and Veronica Syndrome” is a term used for when the protaganist has two potential romatic interests, thus assuring that neither relationship will come to full fruition without the protaganist having to choose one or the other. Veronica and Betty first met in Archie comics in 1939 Blonde Betty and dark-haired Veronica were “best [...]
Politically Correct Holiday Greeting
Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice [...]
The Bouffant
The Bouffant“The 1960s bouffant hairdo: Jackie Kennedy popularized it, but it took Hollywood, skilled hairstylists and an entire generation of glamour girls of that era to bring it to the pinnacle of eye-catching beauty as the decade progressed. By perhaps 1965 or 1966, the bouffant reached its peak of spellbinding enchantment, and became synonymous with [...]
Call Me (almost) Anything but Old
By Gary Geyer I imagine I meet all the qualifications to be called, “old”. But nobody ever calls me that. Thank heavens there are euphemisms. Consider my history. I started out as a “war baby” and joined millions of other “baby boomers.” When I was a kid we were cutely referred to as the “youngsters.” [...]
You’re never too Old to Be Naked (at least in the movies).
By Gary Geyer Time was you had to be beautiful, have a great body and be under 30 to be naked in the movies. My, how times have changed If You Are Over 50, Skin Is In. The reasoning seems to be that nudity involving older actors (and actresses) is erotic because being nude over [...]
How to Beat your Grandson at Rock-Paper-Scissors (also how to cheat).
First of all, call the game RPS. You’ll sound like a pro and psych him out right away. Basic Rules Rock, represented by a closed fist. Paper, represented by an open hand. Scissors, represented by the index and middle fingers extended. The objective is to select a gesture which defeats that of the opponent. Gestures [...]
97 Pound Weakling Strikes Back
As a boy, Angelo Charles Siciliano was pale and thin — the “97-Pound Weakling” he would later describe himself to be in his advertising. He was often picked on by the bigger kids in grade school. One day, while lying on the beach at Coney Island in New York with his girlfriend, a bully walked [...]
