Can Getting Old be Beautiful?

 By Susanna Starr

Excerpts from a Q. & A. session with Susanna Starr and a woman who chooses to stay anonymous. 

Woman Q.  I often hear that there is real beauty in getting old. I’m in my fifties and I’m beginning to look and feel old. I look in the mirror and see the grey beginning to streak my hair and all the lines in my face and the extra weight I seem to have accumulated, especially around my middle? What’s so beautiful about that?

Susanna A.  First, I can hardly think of a woman in her fifties as being old. Some people are grey when they’re in their thirties. And some don’t have to worry about it, because they’re bald! Who says that becoming grey is unattractive?  Many beautiful women I know are completely grey and they seem to be pretty happy not trying to change it.

Q. But what about the lines in my face? Why should I have to think about having a face lift?

A. I can’t imagine why you should have to think about that. If you decide to go that route, that’s your choice and if it gives you a better sense of well-being, that’s your decision. But those lines will only deepen and, there will be more of them.  That’s natural. Why judge ourselves by the number of lines we have in our faces, in relation to our perception of beauty?

Q. Well, what about the weight? Am I going to have to make over my body completely, and is that even possible?

A. Of course, it’s not possible for you to look as you did thirty years ago, but you can look smashing at 57 or 67 or 77!! Maybe this is the time for you to regain your body and start feeling really good about yourself again. You’ve been dealt a blow, emotionally and to the ego, but your life may just be beginning, once again.

Q.  If there’s real beauty in getting old, would someone tell that to my husband who left me after 33 years of marriage?

A.  Have you ever thought that maybe his leaving you was not a reflection so much on what you look like, but on what are his perceived “needs” at this time of his life?

Q.  How can I possibly compete, at 57, with a woman who’s thirty years younger than I am?  When I was 27, I looked pretty good, too.

A.  Why should you have to compete?  Either your husband sees you as you are now and cherishes that or his needs simply aren’t compatible with what you have to offer, and finds that the allure of a young woman outweighs that.

Q.  What do I do now?  I’ve spent the better part of my life building a home, family and career, and now I feel that I have nothing.

A.  I think the general term for this feeling is “abandonment.”  It’s something that most of us experience somewhere along the way, but that doesn’t make it easier or less painful.  Recognition and acceptance of all your feelings are the first step in healing. Forgiveness may be the second step.

Q.  Why in the world should I forgive him – he’s the one who was callous, uncaring and self-indulgent?

A.  Forgiveness is necessary for you to move on with your life.  Carrying around the burden of anger, resentment, and all those negative feelings can be far more destructive to you than they are to him.  Why would you want to further punish yourself?

Q. Sounds good, but easier said than done!

A.  It will be as easy or as difficult as you make it.  Perhaps you can see this situation as simply something that was an important chapter in your life, but one that is closed now. With the shutting of this door, there’s great likelihood of another one opening, letting another completely different part of your life enter with unexpected pleasures and maybe even fun – something that may be hard to imagine now. <<

Susanna Starr is the author of “Fifty and Beyond; New Beginnings in Health and Well-Being.” If you get a chance, maybe you’d like to see how I treat this subject in my book, Fifty and Beyond; New Beginnings in Health and Well-Being http://www.fiftyandbeyond.com./ – I’ve been there and done it, so I think I have a pretty good idea of how you feel. Let’s talk again….