By Gary Geyer
It started happening around the time of ‘Kate & Allie’ and ‘The Golden Girls.’ The reason, “being there for each other.”
It’s not sweeping the nation just yet, but the idea is gaining momentum. Sociologists and demographers have noted the growing interest of baby boomer and senior women to team up and face their retirement years together.
The Golden Girls had the right idea.
Heterosexual women who are either single, divorced or widowed are pooling their resources, buying homes together, splitting the chores, buying long term health care insurance –all while enjoying each others friendship and sharing each other’s lives.
A wake-up call.
It is not uncommon for these women to have witnessed their own aging parents having to be dependent on children or paid caregivers.
In many ways it has been a “wake-up” call for them.
(In 1940, only 13% of people over 60 had a living parent. In 2000, 44% did.)
They say this is not the kind of life they want for their later years. The friends-helping-friends living arrangement could very well the answer.
Planning ahead.
Women on the average live seven years longer than men. Although thinking about it is not what they’d like, many women expect to be widows. Planning ahead is not a bad idea.
So what else is new?
Women have had experiences with living in sorority houses and college dorms. They have shared apartments after graduation and have traveled together. Many have been there for each other during divorces, deaths of parents and family emergencies. The closeness is there. There doesn’t seem to be anything unusual about the taking the logical next step.
Health related issues.
Besides the companionship, the reason most mentioned is to be there for each other for health related issues. Taking care of each other during illnesses, not to mention everyday aches and pains is a very compelling reason to consider this kind of living arrangement.
Is it the same for men?
For the most part men in this age group expect that their wives will take care of them should they get ill. Most men over 60 are not used to the caregiver role themselves. One woman voiced what others were thinking. “My husband wasn’t there to change the children’s diapers. It’s hard to imagine him having to take care of me.”
Many women say they would sooner trust their friends to be good caretakers.
Make-it-up as you go along.
Since this phenomenon is relatively new there doesn’t seem to be a right way or a wrong way of going about it. It’s kind of ‘make-it-up as you go along.’ Some have considered an arrangement similar to a pre-nuptial agreement that would make clear rights and responsibilities.
Things to consider.
And then there are inheritance issues to be considered.
There are many legalities that have to be worked out so that it doesn’t become sticky later on.
If they buy a house together, contractual matters need to be discussed and made clear.
Health-wise, it’s easy to say they will take care of each other during flu season but what about severe Alzheimer’s?
New territory.
No doubt about it, we are exploring new territory. But as we all know, things are changing rapidly and we all must consider what “family” really means today. We can’t be stuck in our parent’s way of looking at things. We have to be open to new ideas. Some aren’t as radical as one might think.
As one woman put it, “Let’s face it. It’s fun having company and just plain smart to pool resources. All we want is to safeguard our quality of life, our independence and our pride.” <<
Gary Geyer is Chief Editor at Let Life In. Contact him at Editor@LetLifeIn.com
Just come and let … Classroom art – thanks!
The concept of heterosexual women living together in senior years intrigues me. I think it is a great idea. Is anyone out there doing it or trying? What have your experiences been? It seems to make so much sense for single women to remain independent and share companionship. I look forward to your responses.
I am very interested in a femaile cooperative living situation. I have just retired and I’m very conflicted about it. Although I’m going through a divorce, I have been thinking about this for years. I find women (I’m 53) to be more communicative, substantial, reflective and able to share their thoughs unconditionally. My one big problem is that I’d like to stay in New York State where my son and grandson live. Please let me know if you’re aware of any resources. Thank You Kindly, Bev 347-293-4914 BevWatrous@aol.com
I have approached many of my semi and retired friends about this same idea. I even purchased a home that could be suitable for 3-4 compatible women with that idea in mind in 2005. However, with the downturn in the economy, I now have a mortgage on 2 homes! I have looked into fractional ownership, it is riskier than long term renting and sharing expenses. The concept is new and many women find themselves unable to make changes at this time. I am keeping my dream alive and hope that I can make it happen soon.
I am so interested in this. However, I find so little information on the Internet about retired woman and communal living. As Pamela, I too have a second home with a mortgage and would either love to build it up to accommodate several women, or sell both homes and purchase a huge one with a few gals who would look forward to a wonderful retirement living this way.
I have an interest in such a living style none of this is dated so not sure when this was written pls contact me would love to chat about such a living situation has been a DREAM OF MINE FOR YEARS !
savannahnrose@yahoo.com
Hello, this concept/lifestyle sounds good and like to learn more. I live in north central Florida, but would also be open to relocation. Are there any women living in this lifestyle currently with some win-win positive stories? Joy
I am 63 years old and am looking into such arrangement too. I live in Chiang Mai, Thailand, one of the favorite retirement abroad location.
I, too, am interested in this concept. I currently live in southwest Florida but also would consider relocation for the right situation and locale.
Hi, Susan. I’m in north central Florida and find this quite interesting – - like to learn more.
Joy
While this seems to be a 2009 site, I have just found it and would be thrilled to talk more with all of you about this concept. It is exactly what I’m trying to do with a home we purchased for bus. that didn’t work out. We would just like to do something good for the community and help ourselves to make this 2nd mortgage payment. If you get this, pls feel free to contact me at ezshop@localnet.com and perhaps we can do some brainstorming. I’m going to be meeting Bay Aging this week to get some feedback from their org. I’m also trying to find out how Aging Transportation gets paid for their services. I’d like to have something set up where their rental fee would automatically come from a reliable source. A prospective renter once said he would set up a direct deposit account for his monthly rental but he had 5 children and we weren’t prepared to rent to a family with young-teen children. Looking forward to hearing from you all. Rose
I am living in California and would love to be involved in such a living situation as this… Has been a Dream of mine for years and now that the kids are all grown …. The Ole Flower Child in me has perhaps reemerged….seeking to simplicity and connect with other women of my age…. I am so looking forward to hearing from others I am willing to move anywhere it does not snow…even other countries… I just spent the last 8 years helping my parents, they had one anther even that seemed lonely for My father had Dementia I m=stepped out of my world so to be help for My Mother and there for my father…. I learned I do need others alone time is Wonderful but to be lonely…. can be devastating WRITE ME Savannahnrose@yahoo.com
Prose,
I like you had about 10 years with their retirement years and their final years. My father passed first, mother had stroke, had to go into a very nice nursing home, and oversaw everything along with my sister for her care. After her passing I moved south to Florida. I live solo and like my independence not in a relationship, but it has a down side in too much isolation and lack of “family” community in my life.
Will drop you a line. Not sure when your post was made or how current. I just found the site in March, 2012.
Joy