By E. Christina Dabis
Question: Because the word “bonding” is so politically correct, are you doomed to fail? Answer: No! Just remember your grandkids have little friends and you don’t look anything like them. They want a grandparent, slightly eccentric, with some money, a car, a driver’s license and a great sense of humor.
So fast-forward to eccentricity! Practice being eccentric to your grandchild’s beneficial delight. Ok, call it second childhood: Here’s you chance to be a kid again! Remember? Feel that giggly-wiggly-smile deep inside? Yeah, it’s been tucked away all these years.You can use it now.
1. Body language.
Kids read body language. Remember when you were little and your mom would give you that “sideways glance”? Your breathing grew shallow and you KNEW you were a whisper away from big trouble. Watch your grandchild’s body language, it’s primitive, but it’s there, so laugh at it all of the time. Those first steps, and the quick plop-down onto their padded bum. It makes us laugh. And, watch, as they laugh with us.
See eye-to-eye with your grandchildren. That’s really important as most everything in their little world is a giant or a mountain. That’s why they’re fascinated with bugs. Get down to your grandchild’s level, but don’t hurt yourself because they can’t help you back up and the ambulance will scare them.
Your body language is their primary language. If you walk around kind of goofy, they’ll laugh. If you cover your face with your hands, in an exaggerated and animated manner, children will laugh. If you smile and wink to them, they’ll try to mimic it. A lot of giggles come from winking. Can you wiggle your ears? Some can’t, but I tried for years to wiggle my ears like my grandfather did. Come to think of it, when I was trying to do that I didn’t talk. Maybe that was grandfather’s goal.
2. Patience.
Enjoy the patience your grandchildren give you. What? Yeah, they do. When you hold your grandchild’s hand and walk with them, they walk slowly because their legs are short. You walk slowly because you’re old. It’s a perfect match. No one is saying, “Hurry up!” Even if you have a walker, you’ll still be walking at their pace. Volunteer to walk with your grandchildren if you’re shopping with their parents. Face it, the parents will be equally upset with you and the toddlers so take advantage of it.
And, when you tell your grandchild that you did something wrong, or you forgot something, you’ll almost always hear, “That’s ok, Grandpa.” because they don’t know the result of a failure, they just know you feel bad. But, isn’t it what we grown-ups call ‘patience’? Reciprocate it.
3. See their art beauty.
When grandchildren are little, they know nothing about art. They don’t know the rules; they don’t even know the names of the colors. Their art comes from sheer innocence and is created with poor motor skills.
Get some paper, tail ends of newsprint rolls works great, and so does butcher paper. Buy some watercolors and some brushes. Watch the beauty unfold! I used cropped pieces of the watercolor art to create unique greeting cards. That was long before the scrap-booking rage. My tools were craft paper, scissors and a glue stick. The product was beautiful!
4. Enjoy their conclusions.
Ask your grandchildren to help you understand. Get to their physical level and ask questions that make them draw a conclusion. Watch their faces as they conjure up an answer. “I can’t figure out how that fly can walk on the wall. Can you tell me?” Whet their curiosity!
Show them how to research by being prepared to slowly inject the answer. Be prepared to laugh a lot, and go down whatever oddball path they select. Then bring it around to learning: “What if that fly had funny feet?” Your grandchild will marvel at that thought. They’ll eagerly expand on it. “I wonder if I have a book about fly’s feet.”
Then expose them to an encyclopedia, online or hardcover. “Why is today called Tuesday?” “Why do we have bellybuttons? How do you use yours?” The odder the question, the more attention they’ll pay (probably because they think you’re nuts, but you need the practice for eccentricity, remember?)
5. Foster the excitement of knowledge.
Grandchildren ask a lot of questions. They drive their parents’ nuts with them. “But, why”? or “How come?” or “Then what?” They don’t mean to be pests, they’re LEARNING! Use it!!! Answer them. Give them knowledge at their level.
My grandson used to come to me nearly breathless as he said, “Nanna, know what?” Thus giving me the nickname of “Nanna –know what”). He had discovered something. Shapes. He came to me as a toddler and said, “I know what this is. It’s a circle.” Lesson started! “That’s great! Do you know other shapes?” “Yes.” “Ok, what’s this (rectangle)?” “That’s a square.” He said proudly!
Excitedly I said (very excitedly!) “Danny, that’s the right answer to the NEXT question I was going to ask you! You’re sure smart. Let me catch up with you” Then I’d tell him the name of the rectangle and asked if he thought he could remember it. “SURE!” he said. Then, I asked him to identify the shape of a square. SUCCESS with more on the way! We wiggled with excitement and had cartoon sized eyes.
A wrong answer isn’t a mistake; it’s just an answer ahead of the question. Children will eagerly learn if they’re not defeated by failure. So, DO NOT LET THEM FAIL! They’re always right even if you have to tell them to “hold that answer” and use it for the next question. Never show disappointment, in words, or in actions.
6. Ask for their help.
Encourage them to read. Ask them to help you read one of their storybooks. “I need your help reading this book. I always forget how to say this word (pick a short one out and point to it). When I get to this word in the book, will you say it for me?” Next time, pick two words and three… and don’t forget to giggle! Read slowly; add events to the story by making them up from the pictures in the book.
At the end of the book say, “I’m forgetting more and more words all the time. It’s a good thing you’re smart and here to help me read. Thank you so much.” Then giggle and wink.
Since grandchildren are little and low to the ground you can ask them to help you find that lost earring, or to crawl under the table to get the dropped spoon. They love to help.
7. Share.
Do you have a hobby? Gardening, woodworking, music, golf? Let them be a part of it. Plan ahead to let them succeed. My grandson played fiddle with me when he was six. He’d never held one in his life, but he didn’t know that he couldn’t do it. I had him hold the violin like a cello, and on one string I had him bow the “beat”, one long bow stroke, two short strokes. Then I played Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and he played rhythm / harmony. He beamed when we played for his kindergarten class as classmates said, “Danny, that was good music.”
8. Be eccentric.
If their parents aren’t around, ask your grandchildren if they’d like dessert before dinner. They’ll think you’re nuts, but being eccentric they’ll let you have your way with great delight!
9. Be a kid again.
Stop being a grown up. Stop it now! You have permission to be a kid again; your grandchildren gave you that gift! <<
Comments