JB: So, what’s up?

AP (Aging Penis): Is that your attempt at humor? Not funny! The future has me worried. Kinda like the housing market. The forecast is soft.

JB: Sorry. I should have known that it’s hard, uh, difficult looking into an uncertain future. But, you’ve compared your concern to the housing market. Are you prepared for…well, for a down market? A stash of Cialis?

AP: You mean a pharmaceutical splint? Not for me.

JB: Really? You’re not going along with the crowd…?

AP: Wanna get personal here? I’m still tempted to stay with the Stand Tall approach. But, why not let my team—fingers, tongue, eyes, and words—do some of the work?   I’m not into heavy lifting anymore. That’s for kids who don’t know any better!

JB:  But what about vaginas who expect you to show up and be, you know, your old frisky self?

AP: That’s the first smart question you’ve asked! It’s not just about adjusting my expectations; it’s about hers as well. Too many vaginas are using my response to them as a report card of their attractiveness. Bulletin: It’s not about you! I’m trying to move away from the “proving myself” attitude and into the “enjoying myself” attitude. Can’t do both, so lighten up!

JB:  Interesting, but what about intercourse, don’t you have to be…don’t you need a certain firmness? If not in your attitude, at least in your, how do I say this…in your posture?

AP: Intercourse is over-rated! Touching, licking, laughing and sucking aren’t bad at all—add a glass or two of red wine and it’s a party! This isn’t to say that old-time fucking is passé, far from it. But why consider anything less a failure? And, while we’re talking candidly, something vaginas need to know—if I’m a little shy and I don’t come (fully) out to play, please, please, don’t give me an Oprah moment. The timing sucks! Just get over it, don’t take it personal, and let the other guys (my tongue, fingers, the whole team) do their thing.

JB:  Good point, but some penises are so into answering the call that they start obsessing when they, pardon the expression, fall short. I’ve heard more than one vagina express this sentiment: “It’s not so much the flaccid appearance; it’s his preoccupation with it! It’s like being in a conversation with someone who is no longer listening—but only worse, it’s lonely being skin-to-skin with a penis completely into himself.”  

AP: Okay, so there are mature penises, and penises that’ve aged, but not matured. No new news there.

JB: Any final words of wisdom?

AP: Sure, I have lots of wisdom to share. Here’s a sampling: On a basic level, I operate as a result of friction and fiction—physical and mental stimulation. As I get older I find I need more of both. Yeah, a little erotica now and then helps. And, I’ve become sensitive. If faced with pressure and pleasure, I will likely fall to the pressure. So, when it comes to friction and fiction, more is more, but when it comes to demands, less is more—I do better when I’m not made to feel that making love is a report card, for me or for the vagina in question. And, I confess—we don’t need to do some sex seminar on this—sometimes I’m just ot in the mood. I would never have admitted that when I was younger. Now, gotta take a leak…I think.

Joel Block, Ph.D., is a psychologist and author of nearly twenty books on relationships and sexuality. His website is www.drblock.com and he can be reached at Joel@LetLifeIn.com