By Joel Block Ph.D.

Losing enthusiasm

Some people lost their enthusiasm for life as a natural result of losing their sense of optimism. They have allowed negative life experiences, difficult challenges, rejections, or setbacks to quell their sense of hope in the future. By middle age, the habit of pessimism has begun to take a toll on sexuality.

Optimism vs. Pessimism

Optimism goes much deeper than believing the glass is half full.

Optimism is characterized by:

• Assigning temporary causes to bad events. A pessimist says, “I can’t get an erection; I must be impotent,” while an optimist says, “I can’t get an erection because I’m tired and ate and drank too much tonight; I’ll try in the morning.”

• Being specific rather than global. A pessimist says, “Jim didn’t call after our first date; I’m a loser,” while an optimist says, “Jim may not be interested in a relationship with me, but there are plenty of other men.”

• Assigning external rather than personal explanations for things. A pessimist says, “Jim didn’t like me,” while an optimist says, “Jim may not be ready for a relationship.”

Numerous studies show the connection between optimism and achievement. In one study, students who had hope for academic success overcame a bad test score in an early exam to raise their grade levels by end of term while those who expressed little or no hope after the initial failing grade didn’t recover from it.

In the business world, people with high hopes set higher goals and continue working toward them when they suffer setbacks. Optimism gives us more than solace when times aren’t good; it plays a role in reducing anxiety, alleviating the emotional distress accompanying many life events, and motivating us toward achieving personal and professional goals.

The habit of optimism has powerful sexual benefits.

If you are pessimistic about the effects of aging on sexuality, you’ll likely suffer sexual problems at midlife. On the other hand, if you’re optimistic about your continued sexual future, you probably won’t have difficulties or will certainly be able to work around them. What you believe is possible (or not possible) often is.

“I will never be an impotent man.”

“In the past five years I’ve been treated for diabetes, mild heart disease, and a prostate problem,” says Robert, 65. “Every time I had a medical situation, someone told me that meant the end of my sexual potency. I never believed that; and it never happened. I get erections. My wife and I have intercourse and enjoy that as we do other variations of lovemaking.

Think positive

Robert is a born optimist. A tendency toward optimism (or pessimism) may well be inborn, but you can develop optimism too. <<

Joel Block, Ph.D., is a psychologist and author of nearly twenty books on relationships and sexuality. His website is www.drblock.com and he can be reached at Joel@LetLifeIn.com