By Linda Howard Clark

[Momoir: a built-in auto-focus on your busy, sometimes blurry life
It brings a sharpness and clarity to events that otherwise tend to blend together. It captures details better than any photograph.]

My daughter Charlotte Spring Clark came to us within the same week that my mother died. She was born in Charleston South Carolina which is where we adopted her. We actually picked her up on the way to my mother’s funeral. So at a time when I was experiencing my greatest loss, the loss of my mother, I was given the greatest gift, my beautiful black-haired baby girl.It was at this time that my sister in law Judy said the words that later inspired the concept behind the Momoir©.Pay close attention. It goes by so fast

I actually thought I was paying close attention. And then one day Charlotte casually announced that she had 209 days left before she got her driver’s license. Driver’s License? How could that be? She had just recently learned to walk across the living room without holding onto the coffee table, without falling and knocking out a baby tooth. How could she suddenly be old enough to drive? Where had the time gone? Where had her baby teeth gone?

That was the day I started my Momoir©. I called it Learner’s Permit. It was all about the lessons I learned from Charlotte. She had allowed me to learn about her, about being a teenager, about body piercing, tattoos, patience, tolerance, about life, love, sharp turns, speed bumps and most of all, what it means to be a mother.Learner’s Permit was my last chance to get to know her before she literally drove out of my life. I kept an almost daily journal. I wrote down my feelings about her driving, her hair, our infrequent conversations, our relationship, her tattoos, about everything that passed through my head during this time in Charlotte’s life.She was still tied to me by virtue of the vehicular laws of the State of Connecticut. She had to have a licensed driver with her at all times when she drove. A licensed driver who was at least 21 years old. Ha. She didn’t know any 21 year olds. I was it.

When writing my Momoir©, I tried to keep the focus on those everyday moments we spent driving together but of course my mind wandered back to 16 years before when we first adopted this full-cheeked, black-eyed baby. And back before that to my mother, to my grandmother, to all the women who came before me. The writing was easy and effortless. I did it on the road, in the car, at home, whenever I thought about it.

The whole undertaking was truly wonderful, totally gratifying. I now have a clear memory of the hours that I spent with my daughter. It’s not only recorded on paper but because of the very process of writing the memories of those days are now indelibly engraved in my mind. It’s written there for me to cherish and for Charlotte to have for the rest of her life.

Because Charlotte is only 18 and has many more important things to think about, she does not seem particularly interested in reading my Momoir©. But I know day she will be glad to have it, just as I was glad to have recorded it. It’s a small piece of her life but it’s a very big part of my heart. And it’s all there in black and white.

The experience I had in writing Learner’s Permit was one I began sharing with other mothers. I realized that what we all had in common was a deep desire to communicate our feelings to and about our children.I have developed a technique which I believe makes writing the Momoir© easy and satisfying whether you’re a writer or not. I have shared this with many mothers of children of all ages eager to do their own Momoirs. The responses I’ve received are amazing. It’s a wonderful way for any mother to get to know their children and themselves as they never have before. And this is especially true for mothers of grown or almost grown children.

Join the Momoir movement

Five Reasons why you think you can’t write a Momoir© and ten reasons why you should.

1. I’m not a writer

Ah, but you’re a mother and mothers are watchers. Just write what you see. That’s the whole idea behind the Momoir©. You’re a mother with thoughts and feelings and opinions and observations. Just write them down. Put them in words. Any words. They don’t have to be fancy. You don’t even have to write in complete sentences. No one is going to grade this. It’s all there. Just take it out of your head and put it down on paper.

2. I don’t have time

You will never, ever have time. Time is something that is passing by that there just continues to be a shortage of year after year especially as they grow older. That’s the big problem. The more there is to write about the less chance you have of doing it. But you know what they say about giving jobs to busy people. Don’t look at this as a job, but as a gift to yourself and to them.

3. I have nothing to say

Or, I’ve said it all and they just don’t listen. You just think they’re not listening. They’re just pretending what you have to say doesn’t matter. Whether they admit it now or later or never, what you say is some of the most significant information they receive in their lives.

4. Nothing important is going on in my life

My friend Ruth’s daughter ate the same thing for breakfast for five and a half years. Ruth used that as an example of how nothing was going on in her life. Just toasted bagels and cream cheese, day after day after day. I told her to write about it. “Just do one week of breakfasts and your feeling about them,” I said. Ruth wrote the funniest most moving Momoir© on bagels and what they meant to her and her daughter.

5. Who am I to write a Momoir©? Like, who cares?

You are the mother of your children. There is no one more important than that. You are famous within your family. I promise that you will be quoted, misquoted, remembered, revered and yes, sometimes ridiculed long after you are gone. Why not set the record straight now? Why not give them a wonderful record of your real feelings?

Ten Reasons why you should

1. You don’t have to be a professional writer

You don’t have to have any special training. No one knows your subject like you do. When it comes to writing about your child, you’re not only a natural, you’re the world’s greatest authority.

2. A Momoir© can take only a few minutes a day.

3. A Momoir© can be done for any length of time.

Two weeks to two months, six months or a year.

4. The Momoir© is therapeutic

It allows you to get out your feelings, to vent your frustrations, to get clear on difficulties you may be having with your children.

5. The Momoir© gives you a sense of control

Even during the most chaotic periods of child raising.

6. The Momoir© is a way to leave your child a legacy to remember

7. If you have several children this is a way to give them their own unique identity
(See: The Multiples Momoir©.)

8. The Momoir

is a built-in auto-focus on your busy, sometimes blurry life
It brings a sharpness and clarity to events that otherwise tend to blend together. It captures details better than any photograph.

9. It’s never too late
You can begin anytime. If you’re scratching your head wondering how your beautiful child turned into this terrible teenager? Now is a perfect time to start your Momoir©.

10. The Momoir is meditative

It’s a special time for you. A time to express your feelings, to be yourself, to get away from them, even if you have no desire to get away. It gives you a time to relax and reflect, to get some calming distance. A welcome break from fixing, reacting or jumping to conclusions. <<

For more information about how to write a Momoir©, contact us and we will forward your e-mail to Linda Clark. ©2002 Property of Linda Howard Clark.