By Tom Blake


Loneliness is the biggest drawback to being single.

And because of it, some people make desperate, foolish and major decisions, thinking someone else or a different situation will improve their lives.

Case in Point:

Mike Anisman is retired from the Los Angeles Police Department
In 1995, Mike tracked down an old buddy he had worked with in the
1970s. His friend was living in Long Branch, Texas. Mike said, “We communicated by snail-mail and every Xmas he sent a
detailed card with pictures as to what had occurred that year.
In early 2000, I received a letter from his wife (whom I had not met)
informing me he had passed away.
“I sent the obligatory letter back saying, ‘anything I can do let me know.’”

How it began

Mike and the widow communicated almost daily for a year by e-mail and telephone. They knew some of the same people from law enforcement and both were infatuated with each other.
When the widow felt she had healed enough to meet Mike in person, he flew to Shreveport, Louisiana, to see her.

Whoa!!

Mike said, “After several more meetings and e-mails, we decided to get married. That was 20 months ago.”

Mike’s daughter gave the couple a wedding in swanky Tiburon in Marin
County across the Bay from San Francisco. They had a one-day
honeymoon in Tiburon, before flying to Texas to sell her home.
The honeymoon was over.
Mike said, “We got there on Sunday night and when we awoke on Monday, she told me I had to leave as she could not ‘handle this.’”

So, Mike flew back to California and when he arrived at home, there
was a “hysterical” message on his answering machine from his wife,
saying she had made a mistake.

The beginning of the end.

“She had a mover pick up her stuff ($11,000 worth) and I flew back
there and we drove here. After four days, she called the movers
to turn around and take the stuff back to Texas, and she left,”
Mike said.

Can you imagine how irked and upset Mike must have been?

“She came back out here one more time and again, after four days, went back to Texas, but this time, got a 30-day Texas divorce.”

The end of the end.

Mike said she wasn’t in Clearlake long enough to get into counseling. Several months later in Texas, she got counseling, but Mike said, by then, it was too late for them.

She sent Mike a letter saying her behavior was the result of having to make the decision to have her husband’s life support system
disconnected.

“Yes I would prefer to be in a committed relationship and yes I would prefer to be married but, BUYER BEWARE,” said Mike.

John Gray, in his book, “Mars and Venus Starting Over,” discusses the importance of properly healing from the loss of a love before trying to bring someone new into your heart. Mike’s wife wasn’t ready.

And Mike’s loneliness likely influenced his decision to go through what he did.

Sadly, both have learned from the experience. <<


© 2003 Tom Blake
Tom Blake is the author of “Middle Aged and Dating Again” and “Finding Love After 50: How to Begin, Where to Go. What to Do”